Tag Archives: Social

How to Flirt With Finesse

How to Flirt With Finesse

You might dress well, have a cool job, and be blessed with beauty, but flirting is where the real magic of attraction is, especially when it comes to first impressions. In fact, good flirting is often more effective than good looks, and it’s something anybody can learn how to do.

Make Friendly, Lasting Eye Contact With a Smile

Eye contact is pivotal when flirting, and Marin suggests it’s the best way to indicate your interest. It means the difference between a friendly “how-do-ya-do” conversation and a “I’d really like to get to know you” conversation. Whether you’re across the room or already talking, eye contact has been shown to boost feelings of attraction. In one study, published in the Journal of Research and Personality, strangers were asked to stare into the eyes of other strangers. After holding a mutual, friendly gaze for two minutes, most participants reported increased feelings of passionate love toward the stranger.

Marin says the trick to flirtatious eye contact is to maintain your gaze longer than usual. If you spot someone across the way, try to meet their gaze, hold it for a few seconds, and look away. Repeat this a couple times and, if they aren’t giving you weird looks, then make your approach. Be cautious, though. While a kind gaze does wonders, an unbroken, wide-eyed stare is creepy. If you’re worried you’ll go overboard, use the triangle technique and smile. Nothing says “I like you” like a big ol’ smile.

http://lifehacker.com/use-the-triang…

Approach From the Front

How to Flirt With Finesse

The wrong kind of approach will end things before they even start. When you see someone who piques your interest, Vanessa Marin, licensed marriage and family therapist and Lifehacker contributor, recommends you always approach from the front. Nobody likes being snuck up on by a stranger, and Marin notes this is especially true for men trying to approach women.

If they’re facing away, either make your way around, or wait for them to move. And if they’re at the bar, at least grab a seat next to them instead of rudely tapping them on the shoulder. Approaching them from the front also gives you both a chance to catch each other’s glance and gauge interest.

Give Compliments That Go Beyond Looks

Compliments are great for flirting, but they’re also a dime a dozen. Dr. Nerdlove, dating columnist and Kotaku contributor, suggests you step things up and compliment them on something they had a conscious hand in:

Complimenting somebody’s looks is both unoriginal and not terribly interesting. Letting someone know that you appreciate, say, their fashion sense or their insight, on the other hand, shows that you get them on a personal level.

“You’re cute” and “you have pretty eyes” aren’t going to cut it. If you can’t think of something that appeals to their choices, Marin says you should at least try and give them an unusual compliment. Say something like “you have a very confident-sounding voice,” or “you seem like someone who knows how to get the best out of people,” or “you have a delightfully offbeat personality.” Leave them with a compliment that will stick with them and make you unique.

Also, ditch the pickup lines and cheesy one-liners. One study, published in the journal Sex Roles, suggests that both men and women hate “cute-flippant” opening lines. Overall, participants in the study preferred openers that were more innocuous or direct. So skip the “Are you wearing space pants?” lines and try to strike up an actual conversation about the venue, music, or a mutual friend. Otherwise, just go for it and offer to buy them a drink or make a unique compliment.

http://lifehacker.com/the-best-ways-…

Use Appropriate Touch to Show Interest

How to Flirt With Finesse

A light touch, done carefully, is an extremely effective form of flirting for both men and women. Light touching shows interest beyond a doubt. Additionally, your flirting may not be as obvious as you think it is, so it’s a great for being more direct, as long as the situation allows and the atmosphere is appropriate. When someone is certain that you’re interested, it’s easier for them to respond in kind.

In the book Close Relationships, Dr. Pamela Regan, a professor of psychology at California State University, suggests there are three main types of social touch. The first is “friendly,” which is like a light shoulder push, shoulder tap, or handshake—not ideal for flirting, but good for testing the waters. The third type, “nuclear,” is the super obvious types of romantic touch, like a soft face touch or brushing someone’s hair out of their face, and is far too abrupt and forward for flirting. “Plausible deniability,” the second type of touch, is right in the middle and it’s where you want to be. It involves gentle and informal touching around the shoulder or waist, and the almost-always effective touch on the forearm. One study, published in Social Influence, found that a light touch on the forearm increased the chance participants would give out their phone number or go on a date. Just be sure the atmosphere is right when you try it, or you might make them feel uncomfortable.

Use Playful Teasing to Your Advantage

People want what they can’t have, and a little playful teasing shows that you’re interested, but also draws people in. Nerdlove recommends a simple technique called “pushing and pulling,” where, like a kitten with a string, you dangle a compliment within reach, then pull it back. Here are some of Nerdlove’s examples:

“You’re the coolest person I’ve met… at this bar, anyway.” “Holy crap, you really are such a nerd, it’s adorable!” “It’s a shame you seem like a nice person, you’re giving me the most inappropriate ideas.” “You’re awesome, I never meet people like you; get away from me, I just can’t talk to you.” “We’re never going to get along, we’re too similar.”

The key here is to absolutely avoid negging or backhanded compliments, like “you’ve got a great smile, even with those teeth.” Keep it playful, friendly, and make it abundantly clear that you’re teasing. Do it with a big smile, have fun (and be self-deprecating when it’s right) and while you’re at it, use your teasing as an opportunity to do some flirty touching.

Nerdlove says good flirting is about riffing and playing off what one another says. Don’t force a change in the conversation, and keep things light. Also keep in mind that some people don’t like teasing or witty banter, so be ready to switch gears. If you say something unfunny or upsetting, apologize and change the topic. Don’t make it about you, and don’t shift the blame on them, like “I’m sorry you were offended.” Acknowledge that you messed up and move on to a happier subject. When in doubt, Nerdlove suggests you just be a great listener. It gives people a chance to open up about themselves, and gives you a chance to relax.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-be-a-go…

Read Signals and Take a Hint

How to Flirt With Finesse

Things won’t always go your way when you flirt, so it’s important to know when to throw in the towel. Nerdlove suggests it all comes down to watching the other person’s body language and listening to how they respond. If you see these signals, dial it back:

  • They’re being polite, but unresponsive.
  • Their smiles are quick smirks that don’t look authentic.
  • They give short, uncomfortable laughs.
  • They’re not volleying back jokes or questions.

Nobody likes an overbearing flirt; It’s pushy, awkward, and super skeezy. Also, people talk. You never know when one bad social interaction will make things worse for you in the long run. If you swing and miss, shake it off, save face, and give it a shot another day.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-read-bo…

Illustrations by Angelica Alzona.

If You Want to Make Witty Comebacks, Be a Better Listener

If You Want to Make Witty Comebacks, Be a Better Listener

The best witty comebacks use someone’s words against them, but you can’t do that if you don’t hear what they’re saying. When it comes to conversation, having a sharp wit means being a great listener.

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS), says most of us don’t listen to the whole message when someone else speaks. We’re too busy thinking about our own points and planning what we want to say. But to make a witty comeback, Paul says you have to quickly react to what’s already been said. Timing is everything, and you can only fire back fast enough if you’re paying close attention to each word. Otherwise your brain has to shift gears from planning your next point to making an actual retort, and by then it’s too late—all that comes out is “uh, well, so…” And if you know someone that regularly makes snide remarks, it’s extra important to listen carefully and turn their words back on them.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-develop…

The Secret to Quick-Witted Comeback | BBC via Science of Us

Photo by Lan Bui.

Take Control of Your Temper With the “Walking Down the Hall” Test

Take Control of Your Temper With the "Walking Down the Hall" Test

Sometimes the best way to gain control of your emotions is to step back and think about what you might look and sound like to a stranger.

Controlling your temper is all about recognizing anger early on and taking measures to keep it from overriding your normal actions. The next time you’re upset with someone, Ross McCammon at Entrepreneur suggests you use the “walking down the hall” test:

The test is: What do you look like to someone walking down the hall who can see your interaction but can’t hear it? If you are acting aggressively, menacingly or otherwise “attitudinal,” then that will be apparent to an observer. But if you’re expressing yourself calmly, your “I am feeling anger right now and I want to talk about it” will look to an outside observer like “I have some thoughts right now and I want to talk about it.”

You can’t really prevent yourself from feeling emotions. If you’re angry, it’s okay to tell them you’re angry. But what you do have some control over is how you express those emotions. There’s always a way to do it without drawing the attention of passerby, make believe or not.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-control…

Don’t Pop Your Top: 5 Thoughts to Keep You Calm in an Angry Moment | Entrepreneur

Photo by Marco FrontSoldier.

The Power of Going It Alone

The Power of Going It Alone

I like doing things alone—eating dinner, playing games, seeing movies—but for some, the idea seems depressing, sad, or only for people with no one to be with. That’s nonsense. Doing things alone develops self-sufficiency, gives you time for honest reflection, and, forces you to learn to like yourself a little—or at least figure out why you don’t.

http://lifehacker.com/board-games-th…

You Don’t Miss Out On Great Experiences for No Good Reason

The more self-conscious you are about going it alone, the more you’re doing yourself a massive disservice. How many times have you wanted to do something fun only to stop because you couldn’t find someone to join you? “I’m not going to the movies alone,” you say to yourself, “It won’t be as fun.” But research suggests we’re terrible at guessing how much we’ll enjoy things on our own, and it holds us back.

Rebecca Ratner, professor of Marketing at the University of Maryland, has been studying people’s reluctance to pursue solo activities for years, and she believes such reluctance leads people to experience less joy in their lives overall. In Ratner’s study “Inhibited From Bowling Alone,” published in the Journal of Consumer Research, she found that people consistently underestimated how much they’d enjoy seeing a show, going to a museum, seeing a movie, and eating at a restaurant by themselves.

This becomes a serious problem when it becomes an automatic response to anything fun you’d like to do. Not only does it restrict your fun, but as Ratner notes, it gets worse the longer you wait. Your time is a finite resource, and everything you put off today because you didn’t want to do it alone won’t be an option later, whether you’re alone or with someone.

If you’re worried what people will think about you eating at a table for one or sitting in a dark theater alone, take solace in this: nobody cares. People don’t think about you as much as you think they do. Unless you’re sobbing while you eat your solo dinner or shouting about how your loneliness in the back of the theater, nobody is paying attention to you. Besides, when you make an effort to have more “me” time, it’s your choice. You’re in control. You don’t have to feel like a sad sack because you’re choosing to do it.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-stop-gi…

Flying Solo Gives You Freedom, Control, and Time to Reflect

What’s for dinner? Whatever you want. What’s the plan for tonight? Anything. What music should we listen to? That guilty-pleasure pop song you love to sing as loud as possible. You rule, and you get to rule with an iron fist. Solo time eliminates social democracy, and you don’t have to worry about anyone’s schedule but your own. You get to order food when you’re ready, see the movie you want to see when it’s convenient for you, and be as spontaneous as you please.

You also don’t have to worry about entertaining anyone. There’s no need to keep up appearances, try to be nice, or worry about someone else having a good time. All that matters is if you are having a good time. Plus, focusing on yourself means you’ll have more mental energy for when you do spend time with others.

Most importantly, doing things alone gives you time to ponder and reflect. You have more thoughts than you realize, and time alone helps you work through them. It’s meditative, and letting your mind wander unloads stress that’s weighing you down. It’s also time you can truly be yourself, or, if you don’t know who you are yet, it’s time you can use to find out. How can you be your authentic self around other people if you don’t know what that feels like alone?

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-discove…

Self-Sufficiency Is the Ultimate Skill

There’s nothing more empowering than independence. The less you need from others, the more you’ll ultimately accomplish. When you go it alone, you’re forced to learn how to handle everything by yourself. You go from being a screwdriver in a toolbox to being a capable multitool. This increases your self-reliance and boosts your confidence, not only socially, but in multiple aspects of your life. When you can’t rely on your friends or coworkers, you’ll know how to handle it, cope without stressing yourself out, and when you really do need to reach out for help versus pushing your own boundaries.

Furthermore, when you’re self-sufficient, no one stands in the way of your goals but you. When you’re comfortable doing things on your own, you’re the only one who keeps you from traveling abroad, taking classes, seeing that band you like, or doing something you’ve always wanted to. Of course, freedom is a double-edge sword. Having control also means you don’t have anyone to use as an excuse or as support, but it might just be the fire you need to get moving.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-use-you…

Being Comfortable Alone Doesn’t Mean Being Antisocial

However, balance is everything. Being comfortable in your own skin and being alone doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy spending time with others. It also doesn’t mean shutting yourself off from the world. I may love my alone time, but I still see my friends to play games, chat, and watch Game of Thrones. I meet with a running club every Wednesday, and I when I go out alone where there are other people, I strike up friendly conversations. In fact, going it alone has helped me cultivate my social skills. It’s good to meet people who aren’t like you, so go get a taste of the world beyond your clique.

http://lifehacker.com/5913355/how-ca…

That said, I also enjoy times where I’m a little more reclusive. We all need a break from the world sometimes, but it’s all a carefully choreographed balancing act. You shouldn’t spend all your time with people, but you shouldn’t spend all your time closed off either. We all need social interaction, but don’t let it become a crutch.


Whenever someone asks me why I like doing things alone, I’ll explain, but follow up with my own question: “Why do you need other people to do what you want to do?” I get answers along the lines of “doing stuff with people is more fun” or “is necessary” (sometimes true), or “I don’t want people to think I’m weird,” or some other vague answers.

Occasionally, though, my question hits home. People don’t know how to answer because, well, they don’t know! If you think doing things alone is depressing or weird, give it some serious thought. Why don’t you want to spend quality time with the one and only you? You might think you need a co-pilot to support you, but you’ll never know until you have your first solo flight.

Illustration by Angelica Alzona.

Look for These “Green Flags”When Dating Someone New

Look for These “Green Flags”When Dating Someone New

It is easy to get caught up looking for red flags when you start dating someone, but keeping a few “green flags” in mind helps you decide just as much if someone is worth your time.

http://lifehacker.com/the-red-flags-…

When it comes to dating, no red flags is good, but not good enough. Basic human decency and common sense shouldn’t be your only factors. Here are some green flags to look for, too.

  • They communicate well about their thoughts and feelings, and give you the chance to do the same. This includes respectful boundary setting and asking for your input on things that affect you.
  • They’re passionate about something, whether that be work, a hobby, or their circle of friends. Having something that makes them happy outside of a relationship is a good sign they can be independent and won’t rely on your for all emotional needs.
  • They can admit fault when talking about past relationships.

Of course, this is just a starting point. Consider some of your own “green flags” as well, and instead of looking for faults, make sure you also look for the good factors that make a great partner. Dating is tough, but focusing on both red and green flags makes finding an awesome partner a little easier. For a full list of common green flags, check out the link below.

Green Flags | Pervocracy

Image from bennyseidelman.

This Video Answers the Age-Old Question “Could You Outrun a Fart?”

When you pass gas, or someone next to you does, a cloud of stink is sure to hang around for awhile. But is it possible to outrun the smell as soon as you hear it? This video has the answer.

This video from the AsapSCIENCE YouTube channel takes a look at all the ins and outs (mostly outs) of fart science. All in all, escaping a fart all depends on your proximity to the person and the way the direction the wind is blowing (if there is wind). If you’re the culprit, or you’re in close proximity of the exit point, and there’s no breeze, you can’t escape it. The stinky gas molecules are just too fast. You might as well prepare yourself mentally or cover your nose. If you have some space between you and the source, however, or there’s a breeze blowing toward them, you definitely have time to get away stink-free. Of course, if you are the one who dealt it, there are plenty of ways to do your business and get away with it anyway.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in…

Could You Outrun a Fart? | YouTube

This Video Answers the Age-Old Question “Could You Outrun a Fart?”

When you pass gas, or someone next to you does, a cloud of stink is sure to hang around for awhile. But is it possible to outrun the smell as soon as you hear it? This video has the answer.

This video from the AsapSCIENCE YouTube channel takes a look at all the ins and outs (mostly outs) of fart science. All in all, escaping a fart all depends on your proximity to the person and the way the direction the wind is blowing (if there is wind). If you’re the culprit, or you’re in close proximity of the exit point, and there’s no breeze, you can’t escape it. The stinky gas molecules are just too fast. You might as well prepare yourself mentally or cover your nose. If you have some space between you and the source, however, or there’s a breeze blowing toward them, you definitely have time to get away stink-free. Of course, if you are the one who dealt it, there are plenty of ways to do your business and get away with it anyway.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in…

Could You Outrun a Fart? | YouTube

This Video Answers the Age-Old Question “Could You Outrun a Fart?”

When you pass gas, or someone next to you does, a cloud of stink is sure to hang around for awhile. But is it possible to outrun the smell as soon as you hear it? This video has the answer.

This video from the AsapSCIENCE YouTube channel takes a look at all the ins and outs (mostly outs) of fart science. All in all, escaping a fart all depends on your proximity to the person and the way the direction the wind is blowing (if there is wind). If you’re the culprit, or you’re in close proximity of the exit point, and there’s no breeze, you can’t escape it. The stinky gas molecules are just too fast. You might as well prepare yourself mentally or cover your nose. If you have some space between you and the source, however, or there’s a breeze blowing toward them, you definitely have time to get away stink-free. Of course, if you are the one who dealt it, there are plenty of ways to do your business and get away with it anyway.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in…

Could You Outrun a Fart? | YouTube

This Video Answers the Age-Old Question “Could You Outrun a Fart?”

When you pass gas, or someone next to you does, a cloud of stink is sure to hang around for awhile. But is it possible to outrun the smell as soon as you hear it? This video has the answer.

This video from the AsapSCIENCE YouTube channel takes a look at all the ins and outs (mostly outs) of fart science. All in all, escaping a fart all depends on your proximity to the person and the way the direction the wind is blowing (if there is wind). If you’re the culprit, or you’re in close proximity of the exit point, and there’s no breeze, you can’t escape it. The stinky gas molecules are just too fast. You might as well prepare yourself mentally or cover your nose. If you have some space between you and the source, however, or there’s a breeze blowing toward them, you definitely have time to get away stink-free. Of course, if you are the one who dealt it, there are plenty of ways to do your business and get away with it anyway.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in…

Could You Outrun a Fart? | YouTube

This Video Answers the Age-Old Question “Could You Outrun a Fart?”

When you pass gas, or someone next to you does, a cloud of stink is sure to hang around for awhile. But is it possible to outrun the smell as soon as you hear it? This video has the answer.

This video from the AsapSCIENCE YouTube channel takes a look at all the ins and outs (mostly outs) of fart science. All in all, escaping a fart all depends on your proximity to the person and the way the direction the wind is blowing (if there is wind). If you’re the culprit, or you’re in close proximity of the exit point, and there’s no breeze, you can’t escape it. The stinky gas molecules are just too fast. You might as well prepare yourself mentally or cover your nose. If you have some space between you and the source, however, or there’s a breeze blowing toward them, you definitely have time to get away stink-free. Of course, if you are the one who dealt it, there are plenty of ways to do your business and get away with it anyway.

http://lifehacker.com/how-to-fart-in…

Could You Outrun a Fart? | YouTube